It’s been so long since I’ve written here that the whole page got updated while I was gone!
In the whole time of my absence I’ve been working for a legal firm (to remain unnamed for now) and been trying to adjust to my new school-free, bar-free life…
Let me tell you… It was not easy. It still isn’t.
I’ll start with the days right after the bar… Anxiety hit me like a TRUCK!! HEAD-ON!! It was the worst experience for me every! I was set to start my post-graduate job (up until I got my bar results) the Monday after the bar and I believe that just added to the stress. Anyways, I expected this time to be like everyone said–relaxing and just completely stress-free–especially because I had just finished the most stressful thing in my life thus far! The bar! They were wrong though! My brain could not stop thinking about the exam. About the things I was unsure of, about my future job, about my life and my new daily routine! What was my life going to look like now that I didn’t have to be chained to my books and online bar courses 24/7? Who was I going to be if not a neurotic law-student always preparing for class or the next exam? What the hell was I going to do in my free time?!
My anxiety during this period of adjustment was strange… I felt a strange out-of-body experience every single day until this anxiety subsided (which was about almost a whole three weeks later by the way). I tell you, I could not even sit on the couch with my husband and watch my favorite show… I felt like the couch was spinning and the only way I felt remotely better was if I closed my eyes and laid down.
I thought all this would simply evaporate as soon as my brain started getting busy again in my new post-bar job… But no… I was again, wrong.
I gracefully started by first day by getting a lovely panic attack *rolls eyes.* This was unexpected as I was not thinking about my anxiety while on the job. It came on so randomly but when I started thinking about it… Whatever I did here would no longer be a “fake case” to write about like in law school… Everything I said and researched would have to be 100% true because now it was being applied to real-life people and situations!
Let me also not get started on the time that I had to go home after work… Everyday seemed to go by so slow. Nothing will compare to how slow my first week out of law-school and bar-prep went… Longest five days of my life. I could not believe that this was my new life–going to work and then coming back home and nothing having anything to do (studywise). I know these sound like first-world problems (and they are) but it was a horrible period of anxiety for me.
With this I just want to let you all know that if you are feeling this way too, just know everything will be fine! Sounds cliché but it’s true… With time you WILL adjust and you WILL be able to find joy in your favorite hobbies, mine being reading, writing, traveling and painting. It will give you such joy to know that you can now go anywhere and not have the great burden and feeling of heaviness of knowing you have to study as soon as you’re home. You will be able to relax with friends and family and won’t feel guilty for “taking a day off” because now EVERYDAY is a day off from bar prep and studying!
I hope everyone had an easy time adjusting back to normal life after these three or so years of law school hermitness and bar prep… It’s quite the journey and experience but remember… This too shall pass. 😉 (just like you and I will pass the bar)!